Going through a divorce can often be an emotional time for the two adults ending the relationship. Take it from me, I know! An emotional roller coaster is an understatement, I thought my heart was being ripped out when I rode on that traumatic ride called divorce many years ago. And if like me there are children involved too, you may find that they will often pick up on the emotions and feelings surrounding them. This is something you really have to try your best to get a handle on because many times, our children are not fully aware of what is going on or what it all means and how to deal with the emotional transition. Here are a few things I would like to share with you, tips I picked up during my journey that you can also use to help your children navigate successfully through the divorce or relationship breakup recovery process.
Be Honest: Try to be as honest as possible with your children, let them know what is going on in simple terms that they can easily understand. Try to avoid telling them that everything is going to be perfect, they are getting ready to go through a huge change and that shouldn't be sugar-coated.
Let Your Children Know That Divorce Is not the End of the World: Regardless of how they respond, let your children know that divorce is not the end of the world and even though you really wished your marriage to their Dad did not end, let them know that any feelings that they may be having are valid. Children may try to hide their feelings of sadness, grief, anger or confusion because they are afraid of making the situation worse or upsetting their parents. Make sure that you have an open line of communication with your child throughout the entire process.
Give Your Children Time and Space to Workout Their Emotions: When our children are upset, it is often our natural instinct to try to make it better. In this case, it may be better to let your children have his or her space to work out their emotions. Make yourself open and available if they would like to talk but at the same time try not to overcrowd them.
Do Not Fight Or Talk Badly About The Other Parent In Front Of The Children: Try not to fight with your ex (or soon to be ex) in front of the children. It can often be scary and confusing for them. Keep in mind that your children will more than likely have a relationship with their other parent after the divorce is finalized. This is something that is healthy and should be encouraged. Make sure that you do not speak poorly about your ex (or soon to be ex) in front of the children. It puts them in an awkward position and gives the appearance that it is okay for them to say things like that about their parents.
Reassure Your Children: Reassure your children that the divorce is not their fault. Sometimes children think that something they did contributed to the breakup of their parents. It is important, to make sure that they know that it is not their fault at all and that both of their parents love them very much.
Ask Your Children: Ask your children if they have any friends with divorced friends. More than likely, they will know at least more than one person with divorced parents. This will help make them feel less alone and could remind them of someone they could talk to about how they are feeling.
At the end of the day, you know your children best but when you are dealing with a lot at one time it may be hard to know which way to turn or what to do. I hope these tips help guide you and your children through this process.
Whatever you do, take the process in your stride, it is all part of your Believe and Live Again recovery, bounce back and transition journey from being a “we” to becoming a “me”.
If you would like to have an informal chat about it, don't hesitate to get in touch on: +44 208 938 3672 and myself or a member of my team will gladly schedule a Complimentary Believe and Live Again Discovery session or a 30 minute "Forgive and Let Go" consultation and together, we could be embarking upon the Believe and Live Again 5 R's journey to heal your heart, outgrow your challenges and let go of the past so that your glorious future can finally emerge.
Once again, I invite you to contact me or schedule a time to talk, call: +44 (0) 208 938 3672 (24 hours) or click on the pink "Contact" at the bottom right-hand side of this page and this will take you into my "Let's Talk" contact form. Kindly complete the form and you will get a callback.
In the meantime, Keep Smiling, Keep Strong and Keep Believing (that you can).
Best Wishes and God's Blessings
Inspirational Woman of the Year Award 2017
Best Selling Author – Reinvent YOU! How to Move from “We to Me” After Divorce
Multi Award Winning Serial Entrepreneur
Divorce Reinvention, Abuse and Breakup Recovery Coach
World’s Number 1 Mum
Zina Arinze, the proud mother of two wonderful gifts - her daughters, is a bubbly woman of faith fondly known as the Divorce Reinvention Queen, International Speaker, Best Selling Author, Radio Broadcaster, Talk Show host, Multi-award winning Business Start-up expert, serial Entrepreneur and founder of Believe and Live Again: a Post-Divorce Lifestyle Coaching, Abuse Recovery and Reinvention Mentoring service helping female professionals, business women, entrepreneurs and women of faith around the globe, swiftly recover from the grief, trauma and stigma of divorce, separation, domestic abuse or relationship breakdown by giving them clarity for their radiant future so that they are able to smoothly transition their mindsets from “we” to “me”, reconnect to their positive of self, regain their feminine power and walk in the healing restorative power of God. A lawyer by training and armed with an MBA and membership of several professional and entrepreneurial boards, Zina has over 15 years in IT Project Management Consultancy, Training and Capacity Building experience from the Public, Private and Not for Profit sectors. Zina is also very passionate about Gender Empowerment, building lasting relationships and encouraging the discovery, development, and deployment of hidden talents.