As if dealing with the divorce process is not hard enough, there are negative emotions that you still have to cope with during and after a divorce. I've been there, done that. In fact, although now long ago, at the time, the emotional rollercoaster nearly drove me mad. There is just no easy way to describe it. If I failed to actually cope with the negative emotions, I would probably be in a mental institution right now. I thank God, that with His help, I was able to deal with my post-divorce negative emotions before it was too late. You can too!,
Here are the highlights from some of the strategies that I teach and coach on. They are tried and tested, providing amazing results to a phlethora of women across the globe on a regular basis. More importantly these worked for me too:
Don't let the feeling of regret control you
It’s normal to constantly think about what you could have done differently to prevent a divorce, separation or relationship breakup. You keep replaying in your head the causes that led to the breakup, all the “what ifs” or those thoughts of I wish I didn't do this and do that. Rather than dwell on those things, try your best to reframe your future goals and plan. Understand that you need to move forward and that the change in your marriage life is just one door that would lead to new beginnings, with a potential for a brighter future and full of boundless possibilities. The sooner you accept and realize this, the faster you will heal.
You don't need to do this alone, help is available. At this stage, you may want to consider enrolling with a Divorce Recovery Coach or Post Divorce Mentor running support groups, workshops and offering tailored Coaching packages like those available through Believe and Live Again. This is a wonderful resource, providing the non judgemental support, motivation, moving on tools, copying strategies and encouragement often needed and will help you navigate this sometimes tumultous after divorce transition as smoothly and as swiftly as is possible .
Accept that you need to move forward
Your life would not end after the divorce. Sure, it can become sad and lonely, especially if you end up spending more time alone at home. But the world does not stop spinning and your friends and family would continue to offer their support. It is up to you to reach out to them. Moving forward is a step-by-step process that will only happen if you choose to take the first step. Think of it as an interesting journey that will lead you towards personal fulfilment and happiness. This way, you will have the courage to move forward.
Take care of yourself
I know what a broken marriage can do to your self-confidence — leave it battered and shattered. Well, now that you are free from what might have been a suffocating unfulfilled relationship at best or an intensely abusive one at worst, do you not think it is time to give yourself a break? Ok, fair enough! You were blind sided, as far as you were concerned, your relationship with your partner or spouse was great, yeah, you had a few ups and downs but who doesn't. You never in your wildest dreams expected your marriage to break down.
The thing is, whether your marriage or relationship was good, bad or down right ugly, the fact remains that you are now re-singled or ssingle again. As hard as it may be to understand or even do, you have no choice but to focus on yourself now; take care of you physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. It is the least you can do for yourself and for your children, if you have any. So, go out there, shop for new clothes, get a haircut, or start a new exercise regimen. What is important is that you begin to take mindful steps to identify what makes you feel good about yourself and that you take the time to to those things, relax and have fun. It may be difficult at first, but Rome was not built in a day and neither can you be rebuilt in a day. It could be baby steps...but just take a step!
It is also extremely important to be more mindful and intentional about your spiritual life. For me, this was particularly helpful. As a Born Again Christian I had no choice but to cling to God more than ever before. This of course may not be for you if you a person of another faith or of no religious belief what so ever, however if this is you, can I suggest you look for spirit filled resources like books, inspirational quotes, songs and of course the Bible to help you re identify who you are in Christ.
Whatever your belief system maybe, negative emotions and self talk after the break down of a marriage or relationship is real and can seem insurmountable. The take away from here, is to re-learn who you are, get re-aquainted with YOU, be deliberate and re-connect with YOU... as YOU are now the focus. Get YOU right and every thing else will begin to follow suit and this is the case even if you have children. Remember you cannot give of yourself what you don't have especially if you don't know who YOU are or have taken the time to rediscover YOU and who YOU to become in your new begininning.
Find ways to compensate the loss of a companion
If you were married or in a long term relationship for a long time, the loss of companionship would be more pronounced. Following a divorce, the loneliness can just eat you up, if you let it, causing even more negative emotions to surface. Rather than wallow in those dark moments, compensate for the loss by spending time with people you love and who loves you back. Invite your friends and family over, or join them for tea, get out of your comfort zone and do fun adventurous things with them or even on your own with - dare I say bungee jumping, or white water rafting. I tried the latter, yes, white water rafting - let's just say...it was fun, a thrill, my adrenalin went sky high....but I wont ever be doing that again, I am clutching my heart in trepidation as I recall the experience. The great thing is, it definitely was way beyond my comfort zone and has given me phenomenal memories, discussion points, openers and wonderful ice breakers, which I would never ever have had. To be candid, I was petrified at the time, I felt the fear (and boy was I scared ) but I did it any way. Today, I am a better person for it...and it has been crossed off my bucket list.
Whatever adventures or day to day activities you decide to do with your friends and family or even on your own, the wonderful thing is that after the event, even if sad feelings and emotions attempt to rear its ugly head once you are all alone again, its impact would not be as damaging because the communication channels with those you love and cherish are open and vibrant, not to mention the wonderful memories you are creating to compensate and hopefully replace the loss of the relationship you have experienced. You would also have something to look forward to the next time, knowing that there are still some people who value and care for you....your personal cheer leaders!
Coping with negative emotions after a divorce, separation or breakup is not easy. But the choice to move forward begins with you.
Are you ready to take those steps to enable you move on and move forward?.
I can help you to move on, recover from the heartache you have suffered, reconnect with your positive sense of self and regain your feminine power. I have gone through a traumatic divorce myself and truly understand. I can to help you get past the mourning stage and work with you to create a road map to a brighter future, but the choice is yours.
If you would like to have an informal chat about it, don't hesitate to get in touch on +44 208 938 3672 and me or a member of my team will gladly schedule a Complimentary Believe and Live Again Coaching Discovery session or a no obligation 30 minutes "Forgive and Let Go" consultation and together, we could be embarking upon the Believe and Live Again 5 R's journey to heal your heart, outgrow your challenges and let go of the past so that your glorious future can finally emerge.
Once again, I invite you to contact me or schdeule a time to talk,
call +44 (0) 208 938 3672 (24 hours) or click on the pink "Contact" at the bottom right hand side of this page and this will take you into my "Let's Talk" contact form . Kind fill in with all your details and you will get a call back.
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