If you don't know how to deal with loneliness after you have suffered a traumatic divorce or relationship breakup, I want you to know there is hope, yes! there is hope. Regardless of the circumstances, the “who” or “what” was at fault, ditch the blame game now; now it is all about you. Yes, you: you can move on to a better life. I have and I repeat, so can you!
The question is, do you want to grow through divorce or just go through it?
As much as it might be tempting to drown your sorrows in Rocky Road or spend your evenings Facebook-stalking your former sweetheart, fortunately, there are alternatives for easing your loneliness that do less damage to your waistline and self-esteem.
When I think back to my own divorce experience, what happened as a consequence, to my mind, was nothing short of a miracle. For some strange reason, I started to research and devour everything I could lay my hands on regarding the subject of improving and rebuilding my life after divorce. What I discovered completely changed my life!
For a more in depth knowledge about growth through divorce and my divorce reinvention story, you can read my upcoming book “Reinvent YOU!: How to Move from “We” to “Me” After Divorce” that will be published in March, 2017.
The time you spend on your own can prepare you to move on. Try these ideas to speed up your recovery and ease your heartbreak.
Overcoming Isolation and Loneliness
There’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Still, social support and interactions are essential to your mental and physical health. Here’s how to stay connected when you find yourself uncoupled.
- Talk it over. Your friends and family can give you the comfort and encouragement you need. Ask for what you want whether it’s a hug while you cry or a sounding board as you figure out what to do next.
- Check your contacts. Fill up any empty hours by reaching out to old friends and colleagues. Invite a former coworker out to lunch.
- Volunteer your services. Participating in a charity softball game or fundraising drive is a great way to extend your network and shift your attention away from your ex. As a bonus, focusing on others will help you to feel happier and more satisfied.
- Pursue common interests. Find new places to hang out. Join a Meetup group or go to a concert where you’ll be surrounded by others who share your love for science fiction or French cooking.
- Reach out. Challenge yourself to connect with others. Chat with the waitress at a coffee shop. Tell your neighbor that his lawn looks beautiful.
Changing Your Thinking
It’s great to have friends and family on your side, but you also need to look at your relationship with yourself. Adjusting your perceptions protects you from loneliness regardless of what’s going on in your love life.
- Accept your feelings. You’ll probably experience some uncomfortable emotions like anger or jealousy. Facing up to the truth enables you to learn and grow.
- Write it out. If your feelings are intense and conflicted, it may help to keep a journal. Notice any obstacles that tend to keep you isolated. Maybe you feel embarrassed about being single or you’re avoiding mutual friends because you don’t want to run into your ex.
- Look for inspiration. Heartbreak is a common condition. Listen to songs that remind you that you are not alone. Pick out role models who have built a happier life after a relationship ended.
- .Stay active. Fight the blues by working out or admiring the beauty of nature. Even running errands or pulling weeds can distract you from memories that are a little too sensitive right now. Give yourself bonus points for trying something new.
- Laugh and play. It’s easier to attract others when you’re radiating joy and energy. Participate in activities you love and look for opportunities to brighten someone else’s day. Force yourself to smile and soon it will become automatic.
- Live in the moment. Keep in mind that your situation is temporary. Take it one day at a time instead of dwelling on the past or projecting into the future.
- Pray about it. Your spiritual faith and community can be a source of strength. Contemplate your purpose and what kind relationship you are seeking.
It’s natural to struggle with loneliness after a romantic relationship ends. Look for practical ways to reconnect, and treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Dealing with loneliness constructively will help you to heal and find the new love you deserve.
I am so grateful to God for my personal divorce recovery journey, harrowing as it may have been, because through it, I have been able to rediscover and live my passion and purpose, helping women all over the world rapidly move past the grief of divorce and abuse to positively impact lives for the better.
Trust the process, Be self-compassionate and Trust You!
Whatever you do, take the process in your stride, it is all part of your Believe and Live Again recovery, bounce back and transition journey from being a “we” to becoming a “me”.
If you would like to have an informal chat about it, don't hesitate to get in touch on: +44 208 938 3672 and myself or a member of my team will gladly schedule a Complimentary Believe and Live Again Coaching Discovery session or a no-obligation 30 minute "Forgive and Let Go" consultation and together, we could be embarking upon the Believe and Live Again 5 R's journey to heal your heart, outgrow your challenges and let go of the past so that your glorious future can finally emerge.
Once again, I invite you to contact me or schedule a time to talk, call: +44 (0) 208 938 3672 (24 hours) or click on the pink "Contact" at the bottom right hand side of this page and this will take you into my "Let's Talk" contact form. Kindly complete the form and you will get a call back.
In the meantime, until next time, Keep Smiling, Keep Strong and Keep Believing.
Best Wishes and God's Blessings
Zina Arinze helps female professionals, business women, entrepreneurs and women of faith, swiftly recover from the grief, trauma and stigma of divorce, separation or relationship breakdown by giving them clarity for their radiant future so that they are able to transition their mindsets from “we” to “me”, reconnect to their positive of self, regain their feminine power and walk in the healing restorative power of God. A lawyer by training and armed with an MBA, Zina has over 15 years in IT Project Management Consultancy, Training and Capacity Building for both the Public and Private Sectors, she very passionate about building lasting relationships and encouraging the discovery, development and deployment of hidden talents.