Although divorce rates have been falling over recent years, the number of divorced couples over the age of 60 has seen a rapid increase since the 1990’s.
One of the primary reasons for this is peer pressure. During the 50’s and 60’s many people were marrying young as the fashion was to get married and start a family.
Unfortunately, this meant that one or both partners in the relationship was, at some point, unhappy and un-satisfied with their relationship. However, back then it wasn’t so easy to get divorced, it wasn’t the done thing and so now we’re seeing a steady increase in divorce and separation for older couples who feel as though they can finally break free.
Another reason for the increase in separation is that older couples now seem to be more active than they used to be. They want more from life and because of this they are trying new things, meeting new people and finding new love interests.
No matter the reasons, going through a divorce after 60 can be the hardest thing you ever have to face.
You’re left to deal with your loss and your grief at losing someone who has been in your life for an exceptionally long time. You’re the one left to deal with questions from family, friends and grandchildren and at times, it can seem like too much to handle.
To help you survive I’ve put together these top tips to overcoming your divorce and finding your freedom.
- Focus Your Mind
One of the most powerful emotions that you will feel when your long marriage comes to a halt is fear; fear of loneliness, fear of discrimination and fear of an uncertain future.
Divorce can make you a stronger woman but it will take time and you will need to try your best to think positively.
Know that you are not alone. You will know friends or family members who have gone through a divorce. Try to speak to one or two who went through divorce a while ago and who can tell you about their experience.
Make a list of all of the things that being single will allow you to do. Make a list of any new activities you want to try or people you want to spend time with.
Above all keep telling yourself that you are loved and that no matter what, you can live a happy life whether you are married or not.
- Don’t Wallow in Regret
It’s natural to feel guilty during and after your divorce and to feel as though everything is your fault but the important thing is to not let these feelings drag you down.
As tough as it may seem, what you need to do right now is pick yourself up and go out. Spend time with people who you love and trust. People who you enjoy spending time with, who you can go out and do activities with.
If you’re still working, keep at it. If you aren’t working, perhaps you could channel your new time into volunteering or discovering a new hobby.
This is the time to express yourself and to do what makes you happy.
- Talk About It
Your children, even though they’re adults, can take your divorce really badly. It might be hard to believe but they’ll often share the same feelings that you do and they’ll be dancing around with questions of their own that they may not want to ask you for fear of upsetting you.
Whilst it might be tough, you need to encourage them to share their feelings with you. Tell them that you don’t expect them to choose sides and that you won’t resent any decision they make.
As difficult as it may be, try not to publically blame or ridicule your ex-husband. Instead, tell your children how you feel and share your dreams and ambitions with them.
Also don’t be afraid to tell them when you need time alone. It’s ok to want to spend some time by yourself, watch a film you enjoy or read a book etc. Just don’t shut yourself off from the world.
- Ask for Help
Don’t believe that you’re alone. Don’t believe that no one cares about you. Making new friends is extremely important to help keep you social and happy.
However, bear in mind that not even your closest friends and family can take listening to nothing but complaints and upset all of the time and whilst this might seem harsh, it’s good for you to talk about positive things and if you need to speak to someone about how you feel you can always seek help from a professional.
Take the process in your stride, it is all part of your Believe and Live Again recovery, bounce back and transition journey from being a “we” to becoming a “me”.
If you would like to have an informal chat about it, don't hesitate to get in touch on: +44 208 938 3672 and myself or a member of my team will gladly schedule a Complimentary Believe and Live Again Coaching Discovery session or a no-obligation 30 minute "Forgive and Let Go" consultation and together, we could be embarking upon the Believe and Live Again 5 R's journey to heal your heart, outgrow your challenges and let go of the past so that your glorious future can finally emerge.
Once again, I invite you to contact me or schedule a time to talk, call: +44 (0) 208 938 3672 (24 hours) or click on the pink "Contact" at the bottom right hand side of this page and this will take you into my "Let's Talk" contact form. Kindly complete the form and you will get a call back.
Best Wishes and God's Blessings