It is a new year and as the owner of a small business or perhaps as a high flying professional on the way to the top of your game, you cannot afford to let relationship problems destroy all that you have worked so hard for. You are responsible for your own income, especially now as you transition from a “We” to a “Me”. You have worked hard and made great strides, creating a business and/or career which provides for the amazing lifestyles of you and your family.
You made it, you got through the Christmas, you should feel a sense of pride when you think about how far you have come on your journey either in your career or as a successful business owner and/or entrepreneur.
Don’t get me wrong, you definitely do need to take the appropriate amount of time to deal with your emotions and the breakdown of your relationship, but you cannot, I repeat cannot, let this trying time have a negative impact on your ability to maintain your family, pay the bills, pay your staff if you have them and continue on the route to over flowing abundance.
How can you guarantee the growth of both yourself and your business during this very difficult time?
Keep the following tips in mind as you try to balance your business and personal lives during a relationship breakup. You will find both your business and yourself not only surviving, but thriving.
1.Separate Your Personal and Business Lives
It may be tough to keep your mind on work, when everything you do and see reminds you of your ex. But you absolutely must create two separate lives, personal and business, to get through this difficult time.
Remove memories and pictures of you and your ex from your work space. Create a set work schedule and stick to it, telling yourself before you begin work each day that this is a time for business, and not thinking for about your previous relationship.
You are not the first woman to own a successful business that has gone through a relationship breakdown. Halle Berry, J.K. Rowling, Tina Turner and other well-known celebrities have been where you are right now. Chances are you know a woman that has been through divorce or relationship problems, while still running a successful business. As a Divorce Recovery and Reinvention Coach and as well as a sought after Business Bounce Back strategist I am specialising, among other things, in helping women sustain healthy businesses and careers so that they continue to be productive, keep their business and careers on track and maximise their profit margins before, during and after a divorce or relationship break up situation. I totally understand the need for support as you navigate feelings of anger, rejection, disappointment, hurt, resentment, disillusionment, loneliness, betrayal, confusion, sense of overwhelm, blame, guilt, shame, sense of failure or a host of other feeling you may be going through right now.
I have been there. I am a lawyer, IT Project Management Consultant, Serial entrepreneur, Youth Mentor, Radio Broadcaster and a Divorce Recovery Life coach who also happens to be a divorced single parent and I know full well the huge pressure and overwhelm that can develop as you attempt to replicate yourself into a thousand pieces to look after your home and keep your business ventures or career afloat.
What I will say is don’t go it alone – trust me! you will burn out or burn down. It is not about what people may say…remove your mask and give yourself the permission to show your vulnerability and accept help…. Stop assuming the pose… “I have it all under control”. It is your life and your business….your relationship may have ended but your business and/or career aspirations must not do so too.
With both my personal and significant business success, I can help you get through this difficult time, so that you are well equipped with compassionate tools, powerful strategies, reignited skills and infused with the resilience required to manage your business bottom line and/or your career effectively as well as your personal life.
Please speak to someone!
3.Look at Your Numbers
If your spouse or partner was responsible for paying some of your bills, you need to know where you stand financially. Get a financial checkup, compare your income and profits to your bills, and make any changes necessary.
You may have to cut back on non-essentials. Do whatever you must to keep your independent business owner status. Ignoring your financial situation will only put more mental and emotional stress on you during this difficult time.
4.Conduct regular business reviews and audits or career self- development appraisals
There are always changes in skills and competencies to perform your job role more effectively to become more attractive for promotion. The same is the case in the business world. It is crucial that although you maybe be going through a very traumatic breakup or divorce you cannot afford to divorce yourself from the trends. Having your eye off the ball or taking your hand off the pulse, even for a second can be catastrophic for your business or career. You may not be at our “A” game but it is important to ensure your company or job is moving up in the right direction. Carve out time to carry out regular reviews and appraisals of your business and/or career model. A good place to start is to review what is going well, what isn’t going too well, what could be done better and the steps to take to effect improvement.
5.Make Time for Yourself to Heal
Keeping your business running properly is important. The same is true with your emotional, spiritual and mental well-being. The 5 stages of grief are the same in divorce or a relationship breakdown; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
Make time each day to look at your personal life. Exclude this from your business interactions and duties. Understand these 5 common stages that the human mind goes through when it encounters loss. Prepare yourself in advance of each stage, and you give yourself a much better chance at a quick and healthy healing.
This is very difficult, especially for women like us. Women are more emotionally based, whereas men tend to be more analytically based. Just remember, if you "lose it" now, your mental state AND your business could suffer. There are going to be times when you simply are not thinking straight. Detach yourself and try to be as dispassionate as possible from your emotional situation. Deal with your business, and then take the following step.
7.Divide Your Free Time into 4 Major Categories
Your time away from your business needs to be divided into time for
- Information gathering and
- Taking action.
Make time to look back on the broken relationship. Reflect on the good and bad times, and where you both under-performed. Make time for your emotions. Cry if you need to, moving through the 5 stages of grief.
But also make sure you are reaching out and seeking help like I mentioned earlier, and that you are gathering relevant information and learning self-help strategies that are proven to help women just like you and I to recover from divorce and broken relationships. Finally, take action on that knowledge, because information is only powerful when you take action on it.
8.Give Yourself a Reinvent YOU! Pep Talk
You may think you are too old for a motivational talk. Research proves otherwise. When you consistently tell yourself you are healing, and that your business and personal lives are growing and thriving, several studies show that is exactly what happens. Your mind moves towards its most dominant thought. When that thought is focused on making your business and yourself more successful than ever before you will move confidently and unconsciously in that direction so that you, your business and/or your career are empowered to bounce back, be reinvented and remain on track.
Whatever you do, take the process in your stride, it is all part of your Believe and Live Again recovery, bounce back and transition journey from being a “we” to becoming a “me”.
If you would like to have an informal chat about it, don't hesitate to get in touch on: +44 208 938 3672 and myself or a member of my team will gladly schedule a Complimentary Believe and Live Again Coaching Discovery session or a no-obligation 30 minute "Forgive and Let Go" consultation and together, we could be embarking upon the Believe and Live Again 5 R's journey to heal your heart, outgrow your challenges and let go of the past so that your glorious future can finally emerge.
Once again, I invite you to contact me or schedule a time to talk, call: +44 (0) 208 938 3672 (24 hours) or click on the pink "Contact" at the bottom right hand side of this page and this will take you into my "Let's Talk" contact form. Kindly complete the form and you will get a call back.
In the meantime, until next time, Keep Smiling, Keep Strong and Keep Believing.
Best Wishes and God's Blessings
Zina Arinze helps female professionals, business women, entrepreneurs and women of faith, swiftly recover from the grief, trauma and stigma of divorce, separation or relationship breakdown by giving them clarity for their radiant future so that they are able to transition their mindsets from “we” to “me”, reconnect to their positive of self, regain their feminine power and walk in the healing restorative power of God. A lawyer by training and armed with an MBA, Zina has over 15 years in IT Project Management Consultancy, Training and Capacity Building for both the Public and Private Sectors, she very passionate about building lasting relationships and encouraging the discovery, development and deployment of hidden talents.