“Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life”.
We all have those days when we’re clenching our teeth. Sometimes it’s hard to forgive and find our way back to happiness. We feel the need to hang on to the anger and we try to get some sort of revenge for the wrong done to us. Yet often that revenge never comes because the other person has long moved on with their life, or didn’t realize how much they hurt us in the first place.
Sometimes we do get our revenge. We get a chance to lash out and hurt the people that hurt us back. When it’s all done we feel hollow inside and realise too late that causing more pain does not cancel out the pain we receive. Instead, our time and energy would be much better spent learning to forgive and move on with our life.
In today's blog post, I want to dig a little deeper and take a look at the connection between forgiveness and depression. There are actually two sides to this story. One involves forgiving or choosing to hold on to a grudge and the other involves feeling like you’re not forgiving. In either case, when there is no forgiveness, the chances of either party ending up depressed are fairly high.
In other words, by choosing to not forgive, you’re not only hurting yourself, but you’re potentially putting the other party involved in a dark place as well. Several U.S. universities have done studies on forgiveness and depression and there seems to be a definite link between the two. The consensus seems to be that when we choose to hold on to grudges and feelings of resentment, we feel less connected and have less room for happiness and other positive feelings and experiences. As a result, depression can creep in.
Thankfully the connection between forgiveness and depression works both ways. If you’re feeling depressed, think about what you’ve done and what has been done to you in the past. Then work on both giving and receiving forgiveness. Both have a very powerful impact on lifting depression and helping you feel better.
Forgiveness isn’t something that comes naturally to human beings. It’s a learned behaviour and some of us have spent more time than others in our childhood and as young adults practising this skill. If you find yourself lacking, now may be a great time to work on your forgiveness skills. Not only will you feel better, but you’ll also ward off future episodes of depression.
Actively forgiving someone brings us closer to each other. Since we’re social creatures, we crave and need those connections. They help us work well together and bring us joy and happiness. And the end result is that they can help us lift depression or prevent it in the first place.
You have a choice. You can choose to hold on to grudges and feelings of resentment. You can hold on to anger and pain. Or you can choose to practice and embrace forgiveness, let go of that anger and pain, and in turn make room for much happier feelings. What will you choose? I hope it is a path towards forgiveness.
Whatever you do, take the process in your stride, it is all part of your Believe and Live Again recovery, bounce back and transition journey from being a “we” to becoming a “me”.
If you would like to have an informal chat about it, don't hesitate to get in touch on: +44 208 938 3672 and myself or a member of my team will gladly schedule a Complimentary Believe and Live Again Discovery session or a 30 minute "Forgive and Let Go" consultation and together, we could be embarking upon the Believe and Live Again 5 R's journey to heal your heart, outgrow your challenges and let go of the past so that your glorious future can finally emerge.
Once again, I invite you to contact me or schedule a time to talk, call: +44 (0) 208 938 3672 (24 hours) or click on the pink "Contact" at the bottom right-hand side of this page and this will take you into my "Let's Talk" contact form. Kindly complete the form and you will get a callback.
In the meantime, Keep Smiling, Keep Strong and Keep Believing (that you can).
Best Wishes and God's Blessings
Inspirational Woman of the Year Award 2017
Best Selling Author – Reinvent YOU! How to Move from “We to Me” After Divorce
Multi Award Winning Serial Entrepreneur
Divorce Reinvention, Abuse and Breakup Recovery Coach
World’s Number 1 Mum
Zina Arinze, the proud mother of two wonderful gifts - her daughters, is a bubbly woman of faith fondly known as the Divorce Reinvention Queen, International Speaker, Best Selling Author, Radio Broadcaster, Talk Show host, Multi-award winning Business Start-up expert, Serial Entrepreneur and founder of Believe and Live Again: a Post-Divorce Lifestyle Coaching, Abuse Recovery and Reinvention Mentoring service helping female professionals, businesswomen, entrepreneurs and women of faith around the globe, swiftly recover from the grief, trauma and stigma of divorce, separation, domestic abuse or relationship breakdown by giving them clarity for their radiant future so that they are able to smoothly transition their mindsets from “we” to “me”, reconnect to their positive of self, regain their feminine power and walk in the healing restorative power of God. A lawyer by training and armed with an MBA and membership of several professional and entrepreneurial boards, Zina has over 15 years in IT Project Management Consultancy, Training and Capacity Building experience from the Public, Private and Not for Profit sectors. Zina is also very passionate about Gender Empowerment, building lasting relationships and encouraging the discovery, development, and deployment of hidden talents.