January has always been the time for new beginnings and fresh starts, so what better time to put your divorce or relationship break up behind you and turn over a new leaf?
If your recent divorce is still having an effect on your life or if you’ve made the decision to end your relationship in the New Year, I’ve put together some advice to help you realise that there is life after divorce and now is the time to seize it.
The first step is to look around you. There will be someone who you know who has gone through a divorce and who has come out happy. Talk to them and see what advice they have to offer.
Consider what direction you want your life to take in 2016 and follow these steps to reduce the hold that your divorce has over your life:
- Don’t Talk About It
At the beginning, talking about your divorce and your ex-partner is really helpful. It helps people to understand your situation and helps you to work through your emotions and stages of grief, but there comes a time when enough is enough. Don’t let your divorce rule your conversations. You’ll get tired of talking about it and soon enough people will be tired of listening to it. It’s time to move on.
- Find a New Hobby/Interest
‘How do I move on?’ You may ask. Easy! Go out and try something new. The New Year is a perfect time to rediscover yourself and find something new that you enjoy doing in your free time. Be it learning to play an instrument, taking a college or university course, learning to decorate cakes, travelling or even discovering ways you can help other people. This could be through volunteering at your local church to support the less privileged, helping the elderly through befriending schemes, supporting those with mental health issues, advocacy or counselling. The list is endless, you know what you are passionate about when it comes to others, go for it and you will find that as your focus shifts from yourself onto others, the healing process begins.
Whatever you want to do or be – just do it! To help you stick to your resolution, go with friends, join a group or sign up to some classes. It’ll give you something new to talk about!
- Contemplate Your Career
Are you happy at work? Do you enjoy where you are in your career? Are you working in your dream job? If the answer to any or all of these questions is anything but ‘yes’ then now might be a good time to reconsider your career options to set you on the path to where you want to be.
Brainstorm your list of skills, qualifications and interests and match them to your dream career. If it doesn’t exist, you might consider being the first. Follow this link for more information on choosing your new career path after divorce.
- Take the Time to be Grateful
Low self-esteem is very common after divorce. It’s easy to blame everything on yourself and feel that there’s no longer anything good about yourself. I’m here to tell you that that’s not true! Make a list of all of your qualities (only the positives) and the things in your life that you’re grateful for – even the smallest of things.
When you feel low bring out the list and look at it to remind yourself of why you should be happy and with your new found freedom, don’t be afraid to treat yourself every once in a while. Buy yourself something nice to wear, treat yourself to lunch at your favourite restaurant because after all, it’s nice to love yourself.
- Are Your Finances in Order?
Divorce brings about new changes to your finances. Perhaps you now have more or less to pay for. Maybe you didn’t have a job before and now you need one to support your family. Whatever the case, the New Year is a great time to assess your finances to ensure that you’re earning the right amount for you.
If you have debts, now could also be a good time to speak to a financial or debt advisor to help you plan your finances and repayments in order to have a less stressful start to the New Year.
- Don’t Shy Away from New Relationships
Making new friends and meeting new people is a great way to move ahead and put your divorce behind you. Plus, if you’ve followed all of my advice (above), you’ll have plenty of new things to talk about.
There will eventually come a time when you meet someone new and may decide to take that first step to a new relationship, the first, ‘first date’. The important things to remember are to take your time, don’t rush into anything that you’re not comfortable with and above all, be yourself and enjoy your life!
As we approach the end of the 4th week we should congratulate ourselves on coming this far but, even so, there is a lot of work still required if we really want to make 2016 our best year yet, despite the end of our relationship.
Whatever you do, take the process in your stride, it is all part of your Believe and Live Again recovery, bounce back and transition journey from being a “we” to becoming a “me”.
If you would like to have an informal chat about it, don't hesitate to get in touch on: +44 208 938 3672 and myself or a member of my team will gladly schedule a Complimentary Believe and Live Again Coaching Discovery session or a no-obligation 30 minute "Forgive and Let Go" consultation and together, we could be embarking upon the Believe and Live Again 5 R's journey to heal your heart, outgrow your challenges and let go of the past so that your glorious future can finally emerge.
Once again, I invite you to contact me or schedule a time to talk, call: +44 (0) 208 938 3672 (24 hours) or click on the pink "Contact" at the bottom right hand side of this page and this will take you into my "Let's Talk" contact form. Kindly complete the form and you will get a call back.
Best Wishes and God's Blessings