Research has shown that people with outstanding conversational skills are more successful in life, this could be in your career no matter the industry, in networking event, in your business and even in the dating game. Yes, I have said it…..that scary daunting feat….the dating game.
If you have now fully healed from your breakup or divorce and you feel ready to try love again, unless you are planning to get hitched with the first person who blinks at you, the route to a new beautiful and loving relationship would 9.5 times out of 10 start with dating. You could have met via an online dating service, perhaps through a good old fashioned introduction, maybe an off line dating/matchmaking agency, perhaps your local church. The fact remains at some stage you would need to get to know each other a bit more to see if this is the person of your dreams. This brings me to my next point, to get to know one another you need to talk. It has been said that the most powerful people in the world are often the best conversationalists. This has been found to be true in industry, politics, the military and dare I add, in the search for true love.
You are now on your 1st official date, you are in a swanky restaurant, gazing awkwardly every now and then into each other’s eyes and you think what do I say? How do I begin a conversation especially if you have been literally talking to yourself when you suddenly realize in the supermarket that you have thought out loud? I get it you may be out of practice. What I will say is that you have the ability to dramatically hone your conversational skills by avoiding some of the most common conversational mistakes.
On that date number 1 and every other date afterwards, avoid these conversation killers:
- Hogging the conversation. The whole idea of a conversation is to share information and opinions. That means the other person has an opportunity to speak, too. Limit how much you say before allowing the other person to respond. Be a considerate conversation partner.
- Interrupting others. This is very common, I have to say that I sometimes fall foul of this one, especially when I am really excited and happy. All the same, interrupting others is considered rude and makes the other person defensive. Hopefully, you had the chance to complete your thoughts. Extend the same courtesy. You might think that you already know what the other person was going to say. That might be true, but it might not. You’ll never know unless you close your mouth and listen.
- Raising inappropriate conversation topics. There are some things you can address with close friends that can’t be raised with a new date who is practically a stranger. A person you barely know might not be comfortable hearing about your colonoscopy or your unfolding divorce proceedings. Be appropriate. Consider a topic carefully before bringing it into the conversation.
- A lack of attention. Are you listening or simply waiting for a chance to talk again? Are you paying attention or scanning the room for a friend or even for an audience? Are you being polite or looking for an opportunity to escape? Your ability to maintain a conversation and build your potential new relationship is dependent on your ability to focus on your conversation partner.
- Poor body language. Unfold your arms and appear more inviting. Pay attention to your facial expressions. Smile! You communicate a lot of information with your body language.
- Keep your mannerisms under control. Perhaps, you may want to consider asking a friend if you have any unusual or annoying mannerisms. They can be challenging to eliminate, but you’ll strengthen your ability to communicate effectively when you are aware what these potential unusual mannerisms are.
- Checking your phone. In today’s world, many people are so attached to their phones, they can barely last three minutes without peeking. It’s a juvenile habit that conveys a lack of self-control and social grace. Your date will be offended when you take your attention away from the conversation and direct it to your phone, especially when you do this repeatedly or for sustained lengths of time.
- Cursing. When is it appropriate to curse? That’s debatable, but you’ll never have a problem if you never curse. If that seems like a bridge too far, You’ll never create a challenge for yourself by keeping your language clean.
- Failing to make introductions. You are at the bar, in a restaurant, in the cinema, at the theatre or in 1001 other places and you run into someone you know. Ensure that you make introductions when appropriate. It can appear shady and dismissive to skip the introductions.
- Poor pacing. Have you ever listened to someone that spoke very slowly? It can be frustrating, because your brain can understand speech that is quite rapid.
- Listening to someone that speaks very quickly can make you feel stressed or anxious. Find a word rate that is comfortable for you and acceptable to others. You have a wide range to work with, so try to be reasonable.
How good are your conversation skills? What if your skills were significantly better? Your social life especially as you navigate the dating game again and your confidence would all receive a big boost.
Few people try to boost their conversation skills. That means there’s not a lot of competition. A little effort can provide fast and meaningful gains in numerous arenas of your life especially in the arena of love.
If you would like to have an informal chat about it, don't hesitate to get in touch on: +44 208 938 3672 and myself or a member of my team will gladly schedule a Complimentary Believe and Live Again Coaching Discovery session or a 30 minute "Forgive and Let Go" consultation and together, we could be embarking upon the Believe and Live Again 5 R's journey to heal your heart, outgrow your challenges and let go of the past so that your glorious future can finally emerge.
Once again, I invite you to contact me or schedule a time to talk, call: +44 (0) 208 938 3672 (24 hours) or click on the pink "Contact" at the bottom right hand side of this page and this will take you into my "Let's Talk" contact form. Kindly complete the form and you will get a call back.
In the meantime, until next time, Keep Smiling, Keep Strong and Keep Believing.
Best Wishes and God's Blessings
Zina Arinze helps female professionals, business women, entrepreneurs and women of faith, swiftly recover from the grief, trauma and stigma of divorce, separation or relationship breakdown by giving them clarity for their radiant future so that they are able to transition their mindsets from “we” to “me”, reconnect to their positive of self, regain their feminine power and walk in the healing restorative power of God. A lawyer by training and armed with an MBA, Zina has over 15 years in IT Project Management Consultancy, Training and Capacity Building for both the Public and Private Sectors, she very passionate about building lasting relationships and encouraging the discovery, development and deployment of hidden talents.