Welcome to 2016! Christmas 2015 seems so far in the distant past. All the same I hope that you all had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
I know there is a lot of pressure to start the New Year happy, with everyone making New Year Resolutions to change themselves and to be better but if you have recently been through or are currently going through a divorce or relationship breakdown, all you want to do is hide from the world and hide from your divorce.
I’d like to express my deepest sympathy if this is you and your relationship ended recently, especially if things didn’t end on good terms.
Some divorces can end mutually, some may even result in friendship, but not this one! You can’t stand seeing your ex, even hearing their name drives you crazy…and that’s completely understandable.
It could be down to the breakup itself or the gruelling divorce process where harsh words were exchanged and decisions that you don’t agree with have been made about your life.
Your greatest desire now that the final papers are signed is to eradicate your ex from your life, to make a clean break and to forget all about them….but what if that’s just not possible?
If you have young children and share parental custody with your ex-partner, you’re probably going to be seeing them a lot and you’ll be forced to work together, at least until your children are adults.
It can be easy to fall in to the habit of not speaking to your ex when they come to collect your children, to not tell them about important events and to shut them out completely.
The problem with this is that your children will see it. They’ll see that you hate each other and it will affect their well-being.
Clinging onto anger increases your feeling of self-righteousness, that you’re the victim and that everything that has happened was the fault of your ex. This type of emotion is damaging to yourself and your family as by clinging to this anger you’re preventing yourself from letting go and moving on.
Arguing between parents is the number one cause of stress in children and can cause them to suffer in all stages of their life.
Now don’t worry! I know that you don’t want to upset your children which is why I've put together this article to help you overcome your anger, so that you can move on from it and do what’s best for you and your children.
A small amount of anger after a breakup can be good for you. In fact, studies have shown that expressing anger at your ex-partner immediately after a break-up is a good way to combat depression as you can work through your feelings. However, holding on to your anger and wallowing in it is very dangerous and can lead you down a very destructive path, especially with regards your physical health and emotional well-being which can, sadly without the right kind of support and professional help, effect your mental health too.
It is crucial that you seek support and help to work through your anger and perhaps bitterness in a healthy, sustainable and non-judgemental way.
Whilst working through your anger try to remember the good things about being with your ex. It might seem difficult at first, especially if the relationship ended with infidelity but you must try.
Think back to what attracted you to them, think of the times they made you laugh and the fun, happy things you did together. Remember the time that you were so in love that you decided to have a baby and remember all the love that you felt when you both became parents.
It can be easy to blame your ex for everything that went wrong in your relationship and in some situations, that might even be true, but ask yourself, is there anything that you need to take responsibility for?
Working through these emotions, releasing your hurt and blame will allow you to ultimately let go of your anger and in doing so, you’re providing a better, happier future for yourself and your children.
You’re welcome to follow this link if you’d like more guidance on Coping with Split Custody after Divorce and remember that there is hope and joy to be found after the pain and anger of divorce.
Whatever you do, take the process in your stride, it is all part of your Believe and Live Again recovery, bounce back and transition journey from being a “we” to becoming a “me”.
If you would like to have an informal chat about it, don't hesitate to get in touch on: +44 208 938 3672 and myself or a member of my team will gladly schedule a Complimentary Believe and Live Again Coaching Discovery session or a no-obligation 30 minute "Forgive and Let Go" consultation and together, we could be embarking upon the Believe and Live Again 5 R's journey to heal your heart, outgrow your challenges and let go of the past so that your glorious future can finally emerge.
Once again, I invite you to contact me or schedule a time to talk, call: +44 (0) 208 938 3672 (24 hours) or click on the pink "Contact" at the bottom right hand side of this page and this will take you into my "Let's Talk" contact form. Kindly complete the form and you will get a call back.
Best Wishes and God's Blessings