The Top 5 Biggest Mistakes to Avoid When Changing Your Life After Divorce

If you live in the UK, like I do, you will probably be exclaiming like me “What a week we have had, our weather has been totally phenomenal, especially for September”. The sun has been shining and it has been hot, hot, hot. I even got sunburnt on my forehead, no laughing please… this is a first for me.

On Tuesday the 13th in particular we recorded the hottest day since 1911. Our weather has also sparked almost 20,000 lightning strikes across the country especially in the north where Met Office reported that thousands of bolts hit the ground in a "fearsome" storm on Tuesday with enough power to boil 90 million cups of tea.

All the same, we have experienced a non- stop three day which so far is Britain’s hottest weather this late in the year since records began 165 years ago. Maybe the weather is a fluke, a mistake and phenomenon of global warming, whatever it is - It is a big mistake for September but a very welcomed one that most of us here in the UK are happy about and will do all we can not to avoid. Please be patience and indulge my play with words.

If the truth be told, my mood had been initially a bit down in the dumps and cloudy since the first week of September after we returned from our wonderful fun, relaxing and sweltering hot family holiday with my daughters away in Malta and my youngest daughter went back to school. I sorely missed the long, lazy, hot Mediterranean calming sands, the blue green seas, the ambiance of paradise… It was “back to reality” with a thud! So grudgingly and slowly I began transitioning my mind-set in preparation for the Autumn and soon thereafter Winter. Imagine my joyous surprise! …nothing prepared me for the amazing weather we have had in the UK especially in London, Kent and the rest of the South East, hotter than Mumbai some reports have said.. And guess what? My mood is no longer cloudy but back to its bright, affable, happy, sunshine mood.

Isn’t it really quite bizarre how the weather can affect our moods and our mind-set? This brings me nicely into the topic for this week’s blog – The top 5 Biggest Mistakes to Avoid When Changing Your Life after Divorce. The weather might have changed in your marriage, you might be feeling as if the sun has stopped shining and all you can see now in your future are the clouds and the storms, however if you are reading this I want you to know that just like the fluke of our UK September weather, this year – the sun will shine in your life, hotter and brighter than ever before. Changing weather is serious, changing your life is even a bigger deal, trust the process and whatever you do, don’t give up on YOU. Love will find you again. It found me and can find you too if you allow the clouds of your divorce to fade and the sun shine through, somewhere over the rainbow of your new changed life. In the meantime as love travels on its way to find you after your divorce, here the top 5 Biggest Mistakes You Must Avoid.

Enjoy!

As I said, changing your life is serious business. As far as I know, you only get one life. Making the most out of your life is a form of taking responsibility for the way it turns out. But there are many common mistakes made by those seeking to make significant life changes.

Avoid these mistakes as you work toward changing your life for the better:

  1. The belief that you have to change everything.Your life probably isn’t that bad. Make a list of things you’d like to change and then prioritize the list. Put your energy into changing the one item that’s most important to you. If you’re still dissatisfied, move down to the second item on your list.
  • Everything affects everything else. You might find that after changing a couple of things that you’re happy with the other aspects of your life.
  • Trying to change everything is a recipe for disaster. Your entire life will be in chaos and making multiple changes is much more difficult to manage successfully than making one change.
  1. Doing it for others.On some level, we feel a need to impress others. We consider how our career choice will appear to others. We wonder if our friends will approve of our choice of a mate. We purchase a car with some intention of showing off to our friends, family, and neighbors.
  • If you make changes for everyone else, you’ll eventually be resentful. You’ll realize that no part of your life is exactly the way you want it. There’s no emptier feeling than working hard to impress others and succeeding.You quickly realise that you’ve made a huge mistake.
  1. Believing that money is the answer to all your challenges.As great as having money is for providing necessities, there are just as many things that money can’t purchase: love, friendship, a shoulder to cry on, a purpose for your life, joy, and more.
  2. Believing that a relationship is the answer to all your issues.If you’re lonely, bored, and lost because your marriage or relationship ended, it’s common to believe that a new relationship is the answer to your troubles. But there are many flaws with this type of thinking.
  • A relationship created under this context is formed on a negative concept. A relationship is for sharing, not for solving a challenge.
  • When you have a lot of challenges, your choice of potential partners is limited. Emotionally healthy people look for others with similar qualities.
  • Are you on the rebound? More often than not this results in exchanging one set of problems for another. Don’t go into a rebound relationship or new marriage expecting your new partner or spouse to make up for the shortcomings and mistakes of the old partner. You may have just come out of a relationship that involved infidelity or abuse so, you turn around and expect your new partner to be able to make up for the pain you experienced in the old relationship. More than likely, all you will do is exchange one set of problems for another. I would strongly encourage you to figure out what you want in a relationship before jumping into a new relationship.
  • Create a life that excites you. Then find someone that you can share it with.A relationship ought to be the last step in changing your life, not the first.
  1. Not having a purpose.Why do you want to make these changes? What is the underlying theme? If you have a driving purpose for the changes, decisions are easier to make.
  • Are you seeking greater freedom?
  • Do you want to make a bigger impact on the world?
  • Are you rearranging your life so you can go back to school after divorce?
  • Are you downsizing for retirement?

Most people are content to play the hand that life deals to them. There are few things more noble than taking control of your life and making positive changes. But many people put in a lot of work to change their lives, only to feel disappointed in the end. For your best success, know why you’re changing and be congruent in your decisions.

Whatever you do, take the process in your stride, it is all part of your Believe and Live Again recovery, bounce back and transition journey from being a “we” to becoming a “me”.

If you would like to have an informal chat about it, don't hesitate to get in touch on: +44 208 938 3672 and myself or a member of my team will gladly schedule a Complimentary Believe and Live Again Coaching Discovery session or a no-obligation 30 minute "Forgive and Let Go" consultation and together, we could be embarking upon the Believe and Live Again 5 R's journey to heal your heart, outgrow your challenges and let go of the past so that your glorious future can finally emerge.

Once again, I invite you to contact me or schedule a time to talk, call: +44 (0) 208 938 3672 (24 hours) or click on the pink "Contact" at the bottom right hand side of this page and this will take you into my "Let's Talk" contact form. Kindly complete the form and you will get a call back.

In the meantime, until next time, Keep Smiling, Keep Strong and Keep Believing.

Best Wishes and God's Blessings smiley

Zina heart xxx

0O4A8361Zina Arinze helps female professionals, business women, entrepreneurs and women of faith, swiftly recover from the grief and trauma of domestic abuse as well as the stigma of divorce, separation or relationship breakdown by giving them clarity for their radiant future so that they are able to transition their mindsets from “we” to “me”, reconnect to their positive of self, regain their feminine power and walk in the healing restorative power of God. A lawyer by training and armed with an MBA, Zina has over 15 years in IT Project Management Consultancy, Training and Capacity Building for both the Public and Private Sectors, she very passionate about building lasting relationships and encouraging the discovery, development and deployment of hidden talents.

 

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